Welcome to the first episode of All Under One Roof, the shared parenting podcast brought to you by me, Jennifer Rohini Stoll, the shared parenting mama. Who am I and why I am doing this? My name is Jennifer, you can call me Jen I am the shared parenting mama I am a mother Shared parent Captain Obvious Self-love advocate Anti-hustle activist (and I am sure I will be able to elaborate on this passion topic at some stage) I am happily separated from the father of my child with a bit of a plot-twist more to be revealed later... Why am I doing this? Because we talk about unhealthy splits and disrupted families more than we talk about healthy, functioning shared parenting. We talk about separation and divorce as if it is the end of the world in a very negative way and socially speaking we simply tend to avoid how it could look in a positive, functioning way. There is a lot of pressure on happy ever afters and much less talk about happy even after. There is a massive possibility of happy endings and happy to be continued - yes granted under different circumstances in different constellations but still to be continued. What I will share in this podcast is not a once size fits all. There is a lot of dynamics into couples and families splitting and reforming themselves, but I have learned in the last 30 years is that there is just as many complexities in staying in a dynamic that does not feel right or at its worst, is toxic and destructive to you, your partner, and your children. I also want to be clear that I am not here to promote separation or splitting. There are a lot of relationship situations that do stand the test of time. There are situations that can be healed. There are couples and families that can move forward from a variety of impactful collective experiences. I want to talk about what worked for us, what didn't work for us. I want to explore highly interesting topics such as the instincts and chemical reaction that we carry as humans that make us fall in love in order to reproduce but falling in love does not necessarily mean you stay in love. I want to share latest scientific findings on humanity experiencing a third sexual revolution that obviously changes the way we attract partners, how we live, under what circumstances and constellations our relationships thrive and ultimately and importantly how that affects and shapes families in the future. I have found purpose-built homes for shared and co-parenting families that I am very excited to talk about. I want to uncover how family law has adapted to shared parenting or not at all. Find out how shared parents manage financially and how they juggle single-mom and single-dad life with work and school. Let's find out How adaptive employers are to shared parents. Personal development also plays a massive role in creating a new family situation after separation and I cannot wait to share my findings and personal experience with you on that. I want to normalise families splitting, I want to normalise happy even after and happy endings. I want to normalise that a family can still be a family even when they are not a physical unit all under one roof. And now you may ask yourself, why did she call this podcast "All Under One Roof" if you are technically after a separation not under one roof. Let me explain: After separating from my son's father, I moved on, created a solid shared parenting dynamic and our son moved between two homes on a two weeks on, two weeks off rhythm for the most part of 6 years. Eventually after a lot of personal growth (which is still continuing obviously) I found love, moved into an incredible house with my current partner and dog and in 2021 - in fact only 6 months ago, we decided jointly to do something radical. We moved my son's father next door. Shock, horror, mic drop, I think I can hear you gasp. And so, you should. It's not for the faint-hearted and many of you will probably find it unthinkable - especially if you are at a stage of separating or considering separation. I am not going to lie; it took a long time and work to get where we are today and it's not always perfect and we do have probably more considerations and more work in our parenting style now than ever before. On the day that my son's father moved in next door, our son, excited as he was, came home with a self-made card and he had drawn all of us: his dad, my partner, our dog, him, and myself in one house with one apex roof over all of us and he had written on the card: all under one roof. Seeing that sentence on that card was monumental to me. I started thinking that even though we had physically been apart, with his dad living a few kilometres away, to our son, we always had to remain under one roof. We always acted in his best interest. We always made decisions together, we supported each other as much as we could and it's this act of alignment and putting our egos aside that has been the secret to our success as shared parents. One roof stands for alignment One roof stands for putting your egos aside One roof stands for acting in the best interest of your children One roof stands for a feeling of psychological and physical safety Whether you are physically under one roof or not. Your children need to understand that a unity, thus a feeling of safety can still exist but differently than before. If you are listening to this and thinking ... Jen, I am not there yet. I don't think we will ever be there yet. Believe me when I say it took us time to get to this stage. We had nobody to help and guide us. It was an exhausting, lonely, emotional, and tough spot to be in especially in light of the outside world not being ready for this type of dynamic. Of course, today there are more examples of shared parenting than there were twenty years ago. But still this type pf parenting is not socially accepted everywhere and I have experiences all sorts of reactions from various people, even people who I had hoped would be more considerate. You will be surprised at who may raise their eyebrows: it's your paediatrician, your hair dresser, teacher, school moms and dads or even family members, I will be happy to share how I handled various unwelcome feedback and raised eyebrows in upcoming episodes. It's this journey from separation to being under one roof again, that I feel strongly about and want to share with you. How our rhythm looks today, how we manage our set-up and how my partner deals with my ex being next door, I will share with you in the future. If you want to know more on shared parenting and how shared parenting families survive and thrive, stick with me. To stay up to date with my family and I, join me on Instagram on my profile @the.shared.parenting.mama or send me an email with any topics or questions you would like me to cover in future: jen@thesharedparentingmama.com Thanks for listening to "All Under One Roof - the shared parenting podcast" brought to you by me, Jennifer Rohini Stoll, produced by der podcast coach - your one stop shop for podcast coaching and production. Please listen and subscribe on Apple Podcast or wherever you listen to podcasts. You can follow me on Instagram @the.shared.parenting.mama or take a look at the show notes to find all information and links.